My quadranscentennial birthday

Quite often than not, when one of my family members or my friends is celebrating their birthday, I tend to be drawn to such a memorable day for them, showering them with birthday wishes. In the past I have been a victim of even forgetting to do the same to myself. That urge to have attention and love directed to me, to make me feel important, happy and loved even for a single day, is so overwhelming. 

To cope up, last year I ignited a tradition for me, and hopefully for my generation to come, of dedicating a blog post at the very least, on such a day, to share my experiences and aspirations to those who care to care. Not just for memories, or consolation of any kind, but for me to feel whole and pour out my soul, express the being in me. Endeavour to have a good time with my family and friends, even if just by mere text. To congratulate myself for surviving another year and adding one more to my age count. Riding on unperturbed to my old age. So, suck it up people, it’s my birthday!

On this 68th day of the year, what am gracious and receptive of, is the gift of life, good health and love as I age gracefully towards hitting a quarter century worth of memories, love, fun, mistakes and lessons. Although there’s no story to the name, “Victor Mochere’s Birthday”, I besiege you to join me as I try to create one. Last year, I did the 6-piece Birthday pointer, kind of “When, Where, Why, How, Who, What” but for this year am inclined to use this day to meditate and reflect the far I have come and the far am going. The essence of living and pondering life as I whack along.

I can’t say with clarity how many moons have passed since my first breath and cry. It’s good to point out that life is a process and not an event. Breathing, crying, hearing, seeing, clothing, smiling, crawling, sitting, beating, laughing, yawning, talking, shouting, standing, walking, running, drinking, eating, sleeping, learning, thinking, caring, loving, moving, washing, bathing, fearing, trusting, sibling, friending, wondering, imagining, touching, feeling, schooling, travelling, reading, writing, graduating, working, dating, marrying, wedding, parenting, driving, partying and taking life a notch higher. 

Those are things that you cannot do in a single day but progressively throughout your entire life. So thanks to God, I have been able to accomplish that and many more. Looking forward to retiring, grand parenting and ageing off. If your opinion of me is based on who I was a year ago, a month ago, or shit even a week ago, then you don’t know me at all. My growth game is ridiculously stronger, better and wiser than I was yesterday. Allow me to reintroduce.

My birth

Today, am reflecting on the significance of this day to my life. The day I was born, more than two decades ago. I can’t recall being in my mother’s womb, I think no one can have such a memory, but at least I was a tenant in my mom’s belly for nine months, and even overstayed, without paying rent. Now that I get to think of it, immersed in liquid, attached to her body and feeding through umbilical cord, my plate, her placenta. Feeding not through my tiny mouth, but through my belly. 

A very strange concept, I guess. But one that has been amidst us since the ages of creation. A pure golden soul mingled with spirit and blood. Crimson and carbon. Water and flesh. Looking figureless, growing from fertilization to a zygote to an embryo to a foetus to a baby to a child to a teenage to me. But in all that am a creation, attached to a more superior and invisible, omniscient and all powerful being, God. Forget about carbon, hydrogen and oxygen, but the breath of life. And as I ride on, one thing is still constant, “I’m alive, at least for now.”

How am I here?

The concept of life in itself is a puzzle, the cosmos of God. On such a day am drawn to a passage in the book of Psalms.

Psalm 139:13-18

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

God, my creator

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I was extra ordinarily moulded in God’s own image. My body and soul tailored and fashioned in God’s own preference and taste, with intention and thought. I feel like I need to shout this to the hearts and minds of my loved ones, family and friends. Those who feel like am somewhat a mistake or of less important. They need to hear me, see me, touch me, grow with me, cry with me, laugh with me. We are uniquely different; my design is not their design. But in all that, we share one creator and the universe, a little, soft package. With plan. With consciousness. With meaning.

Why me?

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I’m wonderfully and fearfully made. Made in the image and likeness of God Himself, with the breath of life running in me. I stand in His light. Shining upon me, firmly and unshaken. Stand in awe. As a sign and a wonder. I’m a beautiful gift, with a precious gift inside, that of life.

He lives in me

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

I have a presence, am known, am recognized. I’m not isolated or distanced or lonely. I might not be popular or rich, but I have favour in God. Even in an island surrounded by a desert, or in space, or in a vacuum, or in a hole, I will never be apart from God or farther from Him. He lives in my heart and He knows of my existence, apart of me. Not matter how crooked my life might seem, or twisted, or sinful, or unwarranted, He will never abandon me and I will never be lonely.

My purpose

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

When God created the universe and all things in it. When He created the days and ordained them. When He created me, He had a purpose for me. To live, dwell amongst His creation, to worship, praise and serve Him. Before I was even conceived, this schedule was known, of and about. Intended to be. So my presence today, this very day is not by accident or random. I have a purpose and meaning. So every breath I draw, every heartbeat, every word I say, every thought that crosses my mind should be in line with the purpose I am meant to serve. Because I was destined to be here and to be alive today.

In God’s thoughts, I am

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand….

God didn’t just create me, allow me to be born, just to leave me alone. I am always in his thoughts, with me in every second, moment and passage of my life. With me in the breath I take, in my sight, the decisions I make, the sins I fall into and steps I take. Guiding me and protecting me.

March 9th, My birthday

For God has allowed me to see this day. In my heart always, shaping my life and clearing my path, directing my way. I’m with Him always. As I reflect, remember and mark this special day, my day. Pondering what to do with it before it becomes another yesterday, I remember that I’m here by the grace, mercy and love of God. Being grateful that I am awake, alive and in God’s Mighty Hands. That’s my story. My day. My thought. My reflection. Happy Birthday to me. And thank you God for bringing me to life.