Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer. His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), the latter often called “The Great American Novel”. His humorous story, “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County”, was published in 1865, based on a story that he heard at Angels Hotel in Angels Camp, California, where he had spent some time as a miner.

The short story brought international attention and was even translated into French. His wit and satire, in prose and in speech, earned praise from critics and peers, and he was a friend to presidents, artists, industrialists, and European royalty. Twain was born shortly after an appearance of Halley’s Comet, and he predicted that he would “go out with it” as well; he died the day after the comet returned.

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.” – Mark Twain
“A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.” – Mark Twain
“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” – Mark Twain
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain
“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.” – Mark Twain
“A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.” – Mark Twain
“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.” – Mark Twain
“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.” – Mark Twain
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
“All emotion is involuntary when genuine.” – Mark Twain
“All generalizations are false, including this one.” – Mark Twain
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain
“Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.” – Mark Twain
“Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.” – Mark Twain
“‘Classic.’ A book which people praise and don’t read.” – Mark Twain
“Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.” – Mark Twain
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain
“Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.” – Mark Twain
“Do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.” – Mark Twain
“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain
“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” – Mark Twain
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain
“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” – Mark Twain
“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” – Mark Twain
“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” – Mark Twain
“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” – Mark Twain
“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” – Mark Twain
“Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful of your life.” – Mark Twain
“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” – Mark Twain
“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.” – Mark Twain
“I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.” – Mark Twain
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain
“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.” – Mark Twain
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” – Mark Twain
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” – Mark Twain
“If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” – Mark Twain
“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.” – Mark Twain
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain
“If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Mark Twain
“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.” – Mark Twain
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain
“It is easier to stay out than get out.” – Mark Twain
“It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.” – Mark Twain
“It is wiser to find out than suppose.” – Mark Twain
“It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.” – Mark Twain
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain
“Lack of money is the root of all evil.” – Mark Twain
“Laws control the lesser man… Right conduct controls the greater one.” – Mark Twain
“Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” – Mark Twain
“Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.” – Mark Twain
“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.” – Mark Twain
“Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.” – Mark Twain
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.” – Mark Twain
“Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to.” – Mark Twain
“Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.” – Mark Twain
“Necessity is the mother of taking chances.” – Mark Twain
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” – Mark Twain
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.” – Mark Twain
“Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” – Mark Twain
“Prosperity is the best protector of principle.” – Mark Twain
“Put all your eggs in one basket — and watch that basket!” – Mark Twain
“That desire which is in us all to better other people’s condition by having them think as we think.” – Mark Twain
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” – Mark Twain
“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain
“The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.” – Mark Twain
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain
“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” – Mark Twain
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain
“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.” – Mark Twain
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain
“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.” – Mark Twain
“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.” – Mark Twain
“There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. – Mark Twain
“There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.” – Mark Twain
“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.” – Mark Twain
“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.” – Mark Twain
“To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.” – Mark Twain
“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” – Mark Twain
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain
“Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.” – Mark Twain
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain (This is one of my favourite Mark Twain quotes, what’s yours?)
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Mark Twain
“What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.” – Mark Twain
“When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.” – Mark Twain
“When in doubt tell the truth.” – Mark Twain
“When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.” – Mark Twain
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” – Mark Twain
“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” – Mark Twain
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” – Mark Twain
“Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is.” – Mark Twain
“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked.” – Mark Twain
“With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.” – Mark Twain
“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.” – Mark Twain
“Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.” – Mark Twain
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” – Mark Twain
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” – Mark Twain

Tags: Quotes