World’s economy explained with two cows

Global economics can be a tricky subject to grasp for most people especially non-economists. Every country has its own or regional economic style in regard to production, distribution, and exchange of goods and services. To understand the world economy, this article employs a starting point of two cows, to explain various ideologies and economic strategies.

1. Communism

You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you some milk.

2. Socialism

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.

3. Fascism

You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you some milk.

4. Bureaucratism

You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

5. Nazism

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

6. Traditional Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

7. Venture Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option of one more.

8. A British Corporation

You have two cows. Both are mad.

9. An American Corporation

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has died.

10. A French Corporation

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

11. An Italian Corporation

You have two cows. You do not know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

12. An Irish Corporation

You have two cows. One of them is a horse.

13. An Australian Corporation

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

14. A Chinese Corporation

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. you claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

15. An Indian Corporation

You have two cows. You worship them.

16. A Greek Corporation

You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect  their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut.

17. A Russian Corporation

You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.

18. A Swiss Corporation

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

19. An Iraqi Corporation

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a democracy.